How to Date Your Spouse(Guest Post)

How To Date Your Spouse Without Leaving The House

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Almost seventeen years ago, my husband and I said “I do.”  This being my second marriage, we have never known those childless years.  Some of you remember, right? There was that blissful time when you could just up and leave at a moment’s notice to go on some new adventure whether it was big or small.  

We never had that time.  I am not complaining though, and it really is okay.  Our marriage might even be stronger. Why? Because we learned to date in unconventional, you-may-not-think-of-it-as-a-date-at-all kind of ways.  Most of the time we don’t even leave our house for our dates, and this one little thing (dating at home) has been the energy that keeps our marriage alive.  

The Glue in a Successful Marriage

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I am sure that you are painfully aware that marriages today have a more than 50% failure rate.  Sad, but true. So how can you increase your chances for success? Never stop dating your spouse.  It really is that simple. Feelings come and feelings go, but that is why love is not a feeling. It’s a verb.  And, this is where dating in general becomes ever so important.

 

If our marriages are going to be successful we need to change our views about dating.

  • Dating does not stop after the “I do.”
  • It is not a place, it’s a reconnection.
  • Dating does not need to cost a lot of money.
  • Sex is separate from dating, though regular dating leads to regular sex naturally.
  • Dating is not for talking about home repairs, children, work or other stressful topics.
  • Date talk after marriage should look like date talk before marriage.
  • Dating your spouse comes before the “needs” of your kids and everything else for that matter.

Getting Past the Excuses

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Most of us are really great excuse makers, aren’t we?  I’m tired. My schedule is too full. We don’t have the money.  The kids have <insert activity here> to get to.  And any other gamete of excuses that we love to through onto the table.  I know, because I use them too. Life is stressful. Things do get in the way.  But, when we repeatedly use these excuses, what are we really saying? Our marriage is low on the list of priorities.  This is what we are telling our spouse even if that is not how we really feel.

I will make a bet with you though.  I bet that when you were dating, time with your spouse was pretty high on the list, right?  Somehow you both found time to spend time together. Otherwise there probably would not have been a wedding, I am guessing.  So how did you find that time when you were dating? You probably got creative, said “no” to things that didn’t really matter, and cleared time in your schedule.  Trust me, if you did this while you were dating, you can do it now.

 

Why Dating From Home Just Works

One of my favorite ways to kill a lot of the excuses in my excuse book is dating from home.  Think about it. It cures the money issue, the finding a babysitter issue, the time issue, and others that I may not even be thinking about right now.  By dating at home, you and your spouse can have fun, quality time with each other without a lot of pressure. No having to get a whole new outfit (unless you want to).  No having to make dinner reservations either. You can simply have some down-to-Earth reconnection time. It can even happen in your jammies. How nice is that?

Planning For A Date At Home

It is not quite as easy as it sounds to date from home.  I mean you don’t want your date to be you and your spouse sprawled on the couch with drool slowly leaving your mouths as you both snore, right?   That’s why you are going to need to do a little bit of planning. If you are going to have a relaxing date at home, there are a few things to consider first.  The biggest question I get asked when couples first try dating from home is this:

What to do with the kids?

  • Wait until they are asleep.
  • Institute the “You must be in your room/ bed at this time even if you are not sleeping” rule.
  • Wake up before they do.
  • Date while they are at extracurriculars.
  • Put on a movie and lock the door to your bedroom.
  • Have a 30-minute date while your kids play in the backyard.
  • Get creative and brainstorm ideas with your spouse.

At Home Date Ideas

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If you are struggling with ideas for dates that you can easily do from home, maybe you can get some ideas from this list I put together.

  • Coffee and Donuts before the kids get up.
  • Make and eat a new recipe while the kids are napping.
  • Play a board game while the kids play outside.
  • Sit on the deck/ porch/ balcony/ etc while the kids are watching their favorite show.
  • Give each other a hand massage.
  • Take a bubble bath or shower.
  • Get take-out from your favorite restaurant.  Feed the kids in the kitchen while you “picnic” in the living room.
  • Watch a movie on the living room or bed room ceiling.  (There are projectors that are cheap and use your smartphone)
  • Read to each other from a favorite book.
  • Rent a movie still in theaters from VUDU.

 

My Favorite After-the-Kids-Go-to-Bed Date

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We have a date that we repeat every so often which actually rivals any out-of-the-house date I have ever been on.  This is something that you will want some time for, so make sure that you plan for a longer amount of time.

We begin with take out to our favorite restaurant.  Quite often this is either Applebee’s “Two-for-Twenty” or Friday’s sometimes has a deal.  We feed the kids early, and then while they are watching a movie, we eat by candlelight in the dining room.  Take out is great, because clean up is a breeze! If we pick the right movie for the kids, we easily have a leisurely 90-minute, kid-free dinner.  Whoever picks up dinner also stops for a sinful dessert to share later.

 

Once the kid’s movie is finished, we take a break from date night to put the kids to bed.  Then we retreat to our room where we run a nice romantic couple’s spa complete with bubble bath, sugar hand scrub, and foot massages.  We put on some good music and of course light a few nice smelling candles.

When our spa is finished and we are nice and relaxed, the movie portion of our evening begins.  On nice nights, we sit with the laptop outside on the porch. On nights when the weather is bad, we get comfy with lots of pillows and a romantic movie right on the ceiling above our bed.  Break out the yummy dessert and the movie is even better. The nice thing is that VUDU has many movies that release for streaming weeks before they even leave the theater. We can watch the latest movies right in the comforts of our own room.  No movie attendants to yell at us if we feel like getting frisky.

 

So, if it feels like you have not had quality time with your spouse in months, learn to get creative.  Use these tips to make dates a regular thing, even if you have to date your spouse from home!

About Christine A Howard

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Christine is a wife to Jeff for over 16 years and a mom to seven wonderful children (most with special needs) ranging in age from 27 down to 11.  She enjoys travelling with her family and building memories that last a lifetime. She writes a blog called, “Life’s Special Necessities” where she hopes to help other special needs families find solutions to the everyday.   She would love for you to stop by and say “Hello!”

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